This is one of my concise long-range journals. They all tell my story, but ones like these span many years in the same number of pages that another journal devotes to three months. A blog differs from a bound set of pages in that a blog can presumably run forever. But blogs do end. They can end like a beloved TV series ends, after many seasons, because the drama has run its course. This blog will end, but not until its issues are resolved.
The numbers show that more people are reading this, more in the last couple of years than all the previous combined. Some even got here out of a prior interest greater than stumbling upon. Back in 2008 - 21 entries ago - I wrote hoping that one particular person would find the piece, know who the questions were intended for, feel moved, and, while I knew this was improbable, respond. I still don't know when this marvelously liquid person first arrived at Extra Curricular Sav, only that when she did it was not by chance.
Then, six months ago, a message came for me through a mutual friend, Libby. I should remain patient and loving because the universe is perfect , everything is connected, and everything has a reason. The questions I posed to "a single individual" in 2008 were: "Does your clairvoyant see the same sky as my clairvoyant? Does your I Ching intertwine with or unravel into nonsense my I Ching?" And finally, was I "...a passing rube" through your star-studded movie? The answers are: Yes!, her clairvoyant sees the same sky and Yes!, your I Chings intertwine, but also Yes!, you are a rube, someone who has indeed invested in the unsophisticated rustic setting designed to protect and guarantee your outsider's status. There is no "what if ". They've already happened, so this question isn't quite allowable: Could "Cannot Command Your Heart", "Poverty Machine", "Systemic Insensitivity", "Get Over It", "Been Punished Enough", "April Fools", "Can I Tell You Later", "One Tear Drop", and my latest, "Failure of Nerve", been written without the tacitly encoded cosmic terms of my out and out withdrawal from any market place?
Everything does have a reason - good reasons or bad. A perfect universe certainly levels the playing field, however it cannot excuse every level of personal responsibility. I wouldn't be blogging this today if writing didn't ground me and I didn't need a literary task to reflect reality back. I'm undoubtedly better equipped to do this than scour my soul for the reasons why I have feelings for one person that I don't have for any other. My faith in love is way deeper than that. I never did go back to that clairvoyant. Past lives are of little use to me, and as far as this one goes, clearly the message Libby brought home was that anything I might have done or said in the last 6 months is no more or less perfect than what I actually did. Which was to talk, listen, write, dance, sing, and stretch. The next 6 months too - to them my only responsibility is to, as my lawyer once advised, remain as perfect as I am.
There are reasons why my discussions remain limited. Libby has volunteered enough; for now our confidences are on hold. People who could corroborate any of the many promising things Libby has told me have not. Some of them may be reading this now. The status of this mid-August update in the Eternal Now may have changed by the time you read this. I said this was concise, and so to honor that and everyone who could corroborate, I have boiled down to a single reason why no one has: Because the most interesting, meaningful, and true aspect of this blog's drama really is just between me and this Single Individual. In the meantime, I've had time to look at the larger picture - at how a war-time economy was declared in America over ten years ago with no signs of stopping today, and how the insidious effects of that slip in overtly and subtly everywhere. The fact that I don't torture anyone for the information I need somehow turned up as a point of consideration in why people have not been more forthcoming.
And the problem of being psychically sensitive has all the hallmarks of a minority movement: people are aware of it but don't want to talk about it, we are laughed at, misunderstood, or, on the other end of the discussion, taken for granted. Either way, evolutionary keys that advance the big picture are not being used.
